They never see me.

I feel it. I can't help it, but it's right there. Clear. Vibrant. Showing. Memories of the past. Past. The tense goes back in time and indicates something that cannot be taken back again. It is gone. Though incomplete. Why is it every time I try to fix it, I see it dripping. It's breaking and it won't stop. I'm trying so hard to hold on, to let it be whole. It just slips and falls. Again and again. I'm so tired. They're looking at me, like I'm clearly delusional. I try so hard to smile and let the tears drown in me and never spill. For, what else can I do? They expect so much but they don't even know it. Then when I try so hard to accomplish my goals, even when I do, they're not seeing. They look at me, but they never see me. Why don't they see me? Why do they only see my faults? Why are there faults? Why am I so wrong in their eyes? I'm dreaming of slipping away. I'm dreaming of falling apart. I'm dreaming of disappearing. The night used to be so vivid. Why is it then only haunting me now? I'm staring into their eyes, but they just never see. I'm crying inside, but they never hear. I'm breaking, but they never fear. In their minds, I'm still raw. I don't know what I want, and I probably want what is not good for me. I'm caught up in the enigma of reality and existence and I just want to flee. To nothingness. To infinity. To darkness. To eternity. To salvation. To a new beginning. To the end.